LET’S JUST TALK

My stomach did this funny gimmick it always does when I was in a hyper induced state. You know, where it seems to suddenly be displaced from its original position and commence these funny gurgling sounds, as if announcing to the world of its unappreciated presence. The way that could be embarrassing eh. But in your case I didn’t mind at all.

I mean, it was love at first sight the moment I laid my eyes on you and you laid yours on me. As usual, my stomach didn’t hesitate to announce its presence. It was more like it was letting me know, ‘Charley , this is it,…the girl you’ve been waiting for…’ and immediately I could feel my insides turn to Jelly. Like literally, I couldn’t move. You were like a goddess sent from above, so pure and sweet, without blemish and all I was wondering was where you’d been all my life.

It was just like we had been waiting for each other all our lives. You were meant to be mine and me, yours.
Yes, initially that’s what I also thought. [sighs]. It was however too good to be true. Thing is, we were never really friends, it was just too quick. We never really knew each other. We never wanted to. We let our eyes and hormones take over and succinctly overlooked the red flags. We overrated the idea of love at first sight.
We failed.

I never opened up to you. I never made you see the real me and neither did you. It was almost as if we wanted to portray the perfect picture to each other. I guess the truth would not have hurt.
Once again, we failed.
We failed to realize that we are bound to make mistakes, expecting only the best of each other and unable to deal realistically with each other’s shortcomings.
We failed when we became the centre of each other’s lives and pushed everyone to the background, not caring a dime about how our actions hurt them.

We failed when we overlooked the seemingly irrelevant issues because, what, I didn’t want to hurt your feelings and neither did you. I mean, I knew you smoked and partied harder than life itself. I knew of what a spendthrift you could be but guess what? I ignored it because I thought I loved you.

We never communicated. We argued, never spoke. We heard, never listened. And when I needed some time alone, I just shut you out. We were just quick to dish out plates of judgments and verbal abuses, never a moment of a healthy relationship.
We failed as we never invested the right way, in this. It became all about our selfish needs and how to satisfy our desires, never really about how to build a solid relationship.

We failed because we didn’t build this on the right foundation.
We were never in love; we just fell in love with the idea of being in love.
We failed because in trying to gain every other thing aside true love, we lost the most important thing: us.
And when this ended, we blamed each other for all that went wrong. We adroitly suffocated each other with feelings of malice and acrimony.

For the scars you inflicted on me and I, on you; for the words we spoke that burned worse than the fires of hell; for all the expectations we both never met; for all the sacrifices made and yet not appreciated; for all that was left unspoken and caused a rift…
And guess what, we both chose to let UNFORGIVENESS find its way into our hearts and let it fester into BITTERNESS.
Once again, we failed.
                                                                   ―
Now this is just one of many scenarios where we let unforgiveness fester. Trust me, initially it may look like the best thing to do at the moment. To hate someone with everything you’ve got. To want the worst to happen to them after all what they did to you. Where you sit down and imagine all the worst possible things that could happen to that person.

Kwerh, that’s when you’d realise what a powerful tool your mind can be…hehe…from being bitten by an anaconda to an elaborate means by which they’d die. Yhup, you and I both know it’s true…Wipe that smirk oh staaaahp iiiiit 😀…

‘How could she?’ You may be thinking. ‘He was so ungrateful. After all what I did for him, is this how he returns the favour?’ ‘He broke my heart.’ ‘She betrayed my trust.’ ‘She took advantage of my leniency.’ And the list goes on and on. Yes, maybe someone hurt you real bad. Maybe you were abused in any form, that is. Maybe Dad beats Mum and you’ve never forgiven him. Maybe a friend betrayed you. Or even maybe all that happened wasn’t your fault but you got blamed anyway and for that everyone became an enemy.

But you see, it’s okay to hurt. It’s okay to feel the way you do. Take your time, you’re only human but it’s really not okay to let your unforgiveness fester. You know why? Because its hurts you more than it hurts them. It kills you faster than Strychnine would cause you to convulse and die by asphyxiation.

I know it hurts even more when you were not the culprit but hey, what have you got to lose if you forgive? And yet you have a lot to lose when you don’t. For one your peace of mind. And well someone one said to me that, ‘if something cost you your peace, it’s too expensive. Let it go.’
Today, just let it go. Forgive. It’s not easy but make a choice to. Until recently, I had this put up in my room. A caption that read ‘People need to realise that forgiveness is not a stepping stone for future reconsideration.’

 How wrong I was after I thought about it in this way, what if Jesus puts me on blacklist for reconsideration?
What if God chose to never forgive you? Now that got me thinking.
Okay, let’s be real. Sometimes your relationships may never be the same again but hey, just be wise in your dealings and don’t go round hating and wishing the worst for them. Plus you’ve honestly also stepped on a few toes too…ahaaa see that thing…I gotcha…hehe…
Today make a choice. A choice that heals you. FORGIVE.